Anger Management

We all know what anger is, and we have all felt it: whether as fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems. And it can make you feel as though you are at mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. That’s when you need to manage your anger.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

― Buddha

Following are 10 strategies designed to help you manage and control your anger:

• Identify triggers — If you have got into a habit of losing your temper, take stock of the things that trigger your anger. Long lines, traffic jams, snarky comments or excessive tiredness are just a few things that might shorten your fuse.While you should not blame people and external circumstances for your inability to keep your cool, understanding the things that trigger your anger can help you manage your anger accordingly.
• Evaluate your anger — Before you spring into action to calm yourself down, ask yourself if your anger is a friend or an enemy. If you are witnessing someone’s rights being violated, or you are in an unhealthy situation, your anger might be helpful.In these cases, you might proceed by changing the situation rather than changing your emotional state.Sometimes your anger is a warning sign that something else needs to be changed — like emotionally abusive relationship or a toxic friendship.Being angry might give you the courage you need to take a stand or make a change. If, however, your anger is causing distress or hurting your relationships, your anger maybe an enemy . Other signs of this type of anger includes feeling out of control and regretting your words or actions later. In these situations, it makes sense to work on tackling your emotions and calming yourself down.
• Recognising warning signs — Thinking about the physical warning signs of anger that you experience. Perhaps your heart beats faster or face feels hot or maybe you begin to clench your fists. You might notice some cognitive changes perhaps your mind races on your being “seen red”. By recognising your warning signs, you have the opportunity to take immediate actions and prevent yourself from doing or saying things that create bigger problems. Learn to pay attention to how your feelings are and you will get better at recognising the warning signs.
• Step away — Trying to win an argument or sticking it out in an unhealthy situation will only fuel your anger.One of the best things you can do when your anger is rising is to remove yourself from the situation if you can. When a conversation gets heated, take a break. Leave a meeting if you are going to explode. A timeout can be a key to help you calm your brain and body. If there is someone there that you routinely get into heated disputes with, like a friend or family member, talk with them about the importance of taking time out and resuming when you both are feeling calm. Sometimes it helps to set a specific time and place when you can discuss the issue again. Doing so gives your friends, colleagues or family members a sense of peace that the issues will be re-discussed just at a later time.
• Talk to a friend — If there is someone who has a calming effect on you, talking through an issue or expressing your feelings to that person may be helpful. It’s important to note, however, that the venting can backfire. Describing all the reasons you don’t like someone, or grumbling about all of your perceived injustices may add fuel to the fire. A common misconception is that you have to vent your anger to feel better. You don’t need to get your anger out. Smashing things when you are upset, for example may actually make you angrier. So it is important to use this coping skill with caution. If you are going to talk to a friend, make sure you are working on developing a solution or reducing your anger, not just venting. It’s unfair to use them as your go-to sounding board. Instead, you might find that the best way to use this strategy is to talk about something other than the situation causing you to feel angry.
• Get moving — Anger gives you a rush of energy. One of the best ways to put that surge to good use is to engage in physical activity. Whether you go for a brisk walk or hit the gym, workout can burn out extra attention. Regular exercise also helps you decompress. Exercise allows you to clear your mind. You may find that after a long run and a hard workout you have a clear perspective on what was troubling you.
• Manage your thoughts — Angry thoughts add fuel to your anger. When you find yourself thinking about things that feel your anger, reframe your thoughts. Focusing on the fact without adding any catastrophic predictions or distorted exaggerations can help you stay calmer. You also might develop a mantra that you can repeat to drown down the thoughts that fuel your anger. Saying “I am okay. Stay calm.”, over and over again can help you minimise or reduce angry thoughts.
• Change the channel — Remunerating about an upsetting situation fuels angry feelings. If, for example, you have had a bad day at work, rehashing all evening everything that went wrong will keep you stuck in a situation of frustration. The best way to come down might be to change the channel in your brain and focus on something else altogether. Telling yourself “Don’t think about that”, is not always successful. The best way to mentally shift is to distract yourself with an activity. Do something that requires your focus and make it more challenging for anger and negative thoughts to creep in.
• Focus on relaxation — There are many different relaxation exercises you can utilise to reduce anger. Breathing exercise and progressive muscle relaxation are two common exercises for reducing tension. It’s important to note that relaxation exercises take practice. At first you might not feel as though that they are effective, or you might question whether they are going to work for you or not. But with practice, they can become your go to strategies for anger management.
• Explore your feelings — Sometimes it helps to take a moment and think about what emotions might be looking beneath your anger. Anger often serves as a protective mask to help you avoid feeling more painful emotions, like embarrassment, sadness and disappointment.When you are honest about your feelings, you are more likely to resolve the issue. Responding in anger usually does not accomplish anything except pushing people away.